Lessons From My Marriage.

Today, April 3, 2019, is my 15th Wedding Anniversary. 15th!!

Am I even old enough to be married for 15 years? Most days I’d tell you that there is no way that I’m old enough to be married for that long. Except those days when my kids run me ragged or have decided not to sleep. Most days I’d tell you that I feel about 17 years old.

How did we get here? The answer in my head is ‘I have absolutely no idea’. But the truth is that we worked hard to get here. A lot of people seem to think that marriage should be easy, that it shouldn’t feel like work. Certainly, I am not a lot of people.

My husband and I have a great story. We met at the ripe age of 12, in the 7th grade of St. Ann’s School. It wasn’t love at first sight, we definitely didn’t even want to be friends. But slowly over the years, we wore each other down and became the best of friends. We dated off and on (mostly just on) through high school and college.

In 2004, after graduating from college and spending 4 years across the country from each other, we got married.

5 moves, 2 houses, 2 kids, 2 dogs, a miscarriage, 6 grandparents lost, 5 jobs, 1 career change, 3 college graduations, 8 cars, 4 car accidents, bills, friendships gained, 1 rental property, bills, 15+ vacations, 2 trips (lol), bills, friendships lost, bills, countless dreams shared…the list could go on.

Personally, I think we’ve made it look easy for everyone on the outside. From the outside, our story looks like a real life fairy tale. And trust me when I say, I feel lucky. Lucky to have met my person and been able to share my entire life with him. There is truly no other person who I would want to do life with, no better person to be the father of my children.

But people, the truth is I AM NO CINDERELLA.

Some days it feels like we’ve been married for a hot minute, and some days it feels like 115 years have went by. Marriage is work, relationships are work.

I asked my husband what he learned over the 15 years we’ve been married. What was one lesson he would share with people? His reply was: “Just enjoy the journey.” I needed an explanation, I wasn’t really sure where he was going with this one. He went on to explain that no marriage is perfect, but that you have to embrace the good with the bad and just hang on to each other through it all. I liked it, it’s similar to what I’d say to people.

4 lessons I have learned from marriage:

1. Show up. Showing up is half the battle. Be present, take the time to hear them. You don’t always have to talk, a simple hug goes a long way. Just be there, have their back. Loyalty, show them how important they are to you.
2. Team work & communicate. Work together, instead of against each other. Believe it or not, you are both working towards the same goal…being happy in whatever life you’ve built or are building for yourself. Tackle life together. Actually talk to each other. Don’t confuse this with always agreeing, just because you are married does not mean you share a brain.
3. Take time to yourself. Give your partner time to be themselves, time to do their thing. And in turn, give you time to be yourself, time to do your thing. This one might sound the opposite of what I have been saying in 1. and 2. above, but hear me out. Speaking for myself, I am a better person when I have time to breathe and be myself. This used to mean a vacation alone, now it means time in the bathroom alone. Like I said before, you’re married, you don’t share a brain. You don’t have to be together 24/7 just because you got married, guaranteed doing something for yourself will make you a better partner, probably a better parent too.
4. Laugh. This needs 0 explanation, laughter makes everything easier. If you can find laughter in life, it makes it easier to live…so keep laughing.

This is Us. We aren’t perfect, but we show up day after day for each other. Fails, successes…we just keep laughing. Sometimes it’s teary-eyed crying laughter, and sometimes we laugh until we cry.

Love you Nick, always have and always will. Thanks for always showing up. Cheers to the rest of our story.

This is Us.