Hey everybody, it’s been a hot minute since I sat down at the computer to write any kind of blog…an unbelievable, unprecedented year to be exact. Some days I think, its only been a year? And some days I think, ITS ONLY BEEN A YEAR! Anyways, the truth of what has happened in a year is not what I came here to talk about today.
I started to transition this site to a new platform, and was going to dedicate my time to new graphics. Unfortunately other things have just taken over my life and my time. Just bear with me for now, I still have ideas in my head and I absolutely need to get them out. It turns out writing is sort of like my therapy and Lord knows we could all use that after the past year.
Last year I saw a pin on Pintrest that featured a picture of hearts on a kids bedroom door with writing on them. It looked pretty cute, but I quickly dismissed it. I didn’t have enough time or energy and my kids couldn’t read, so they wouldn’t even know what they said.
This February rolled around and even though I still didn’t have time nor the energy, I decided we needed to embrace ‘Love Month’ this year. Our entire house needed this project.
I cut out hearts for both kids, one for every day of the month. It’s the shortest month of the year I told myself as I felt like I was cutting forever. Midway through I told myself this was dumb, but I kept going. My hearts are all shapes and sizes, some looked horrible and others looked perfect. Sort of like real life, I suppose.
Every night I got a heart out, wrote one thing I loved about each kid and stuck it to their door for them to see when they woke up in the morning. At first it was really really easy to think of new things, but as the days went on it definitely got more challenging. Not because I don’t love my kids, but just because 28 days of new things you love about each individual kid…holy $hit guys.
What started out as a project for my kids to see and enjoy, turned into something that definitely benefited me more in the end.
No matter what kind of day I had or what they did that was sooo super annoying that day. At the end of the day, I forced myself to write down 1 thing that I love about them. And even on my hardest days, I still found 1 thing that made me smile.
Obviously my kids loved the project. I mean who wouldn’t love seeing hearts gathering on their door? The one that could read, loved reading them… and the one that is too young to read yet, loved seeing ‘balentines’ on the door.
It changed my perspective and brought gratitude into my life. Two things we all need right now.
That’s a truth bomb. It’s easy to gloss over it and never give it much thought. What you listen to on a daily basis, whether it’s people, music, podcasts, TV shows, movies, the news, YOURSELF…it’s either lifting your mood up or it’s taking you down.
I happen to have a job that I can put headphones in and listen to something all day long. This is not the norm, I realize. But in my little world, it is.
Since the beginning of the year, I have made a conscious effort to read social media differently…less random scrolling and being more intentional with how I consume it. Along with this has come a shift in what I am filling my world with.
For 2020, I have chosen Books and Podcasts.
What am I reading?
#IMOMSOHARD by Kristin Hensley
Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis
Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis
Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
What am I listening to?
Start Today Morning Show Podcast
Rise Together Podcast
Sunday Sitdown with Willie Geist Podcast
Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations Podcast
Where My Mom’s At Podcast (usually viewed on YouTube)
Honestly, I already feel it working. I feel a shift. A noticeable shift in my mood and how I view the world & life.
One of my biggest revelations of the year is something that deep down I already knew.
Negative self-talk will sabotage you.
All the positive reading and listening in the world isn’t going to make up for being unkind to yourself. Your inner monologue, what you say to yourself on a daily basis…it’s POWERFUL.
What are you listening to these days? Is there something your listening to that I need to? Please share!
But most importantly, how are you talking to yourself?
This morning, as I was having yet another conversation with my daughter about her attitude, a realization smacked me in the face.
Sometimes I talk to strangers (coworkers, friends, clients) nicer than I talk to my kids.
That was really hard to just type, that realization was really really hard to admit. It smacked me really hard. Why on earth do I talk to a stranger nicer than I am talking to my own child?? I adore my children, what the actual f&*k am I doing?
In the heat of the morning routine, my daughter wasn’t listening to me AGAIN. She was going in what felt like slow motion. I got snippy with her, I had things that I needed to finish. In return, she responded to me in the same manner. She mirrored my behavior. I mean after all, that’s all my kids are doing daily. What am I teaching her? Am I teaching her to talk to those she loves like that?
How you say it is just as important as what you are saying.
I am human. I get frustrated, I get frazzled more than I’d like to admit. And most of the time the people that get the brunt of my frazzled, are the ones that I love the most. While this isn’t right, it’s the truth. Guilty as charged.
Point noted, tomorrow I will try harder. Thanks Sweet R.
It’s advice that I hear often from the varsity moms. Mostly from the Moms of kids who are grown and no longer live in the house. Moms who are 20+ years removed from the ‘you’re going to miss this’ actions of their kids.
Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying it’s not good advice. It certainly is.
But honestly, when you are in the throws of a hard season with your kids (whatever age that is because there is always a hard season)…it’s the last thing you want to hear.
It’s straight up just not helpful. It comes with guilty feelings or a suggestion that we aren’t enjoying our kids enough. We are all deep in the trenches trying our best, we don’t need any shade thrown. Mom guilt is a real thing and we don’t need more.
Let’s get this out in the open, I’m 100% thankful for my kids. They are definitely one of my life’s greatest blessings.
But, I would say that over half of what I do for them is not something that I will miss. Changing diapers, sleepless nights, washing bottles, throw yourself on the floor tantrums, attitudes, smart mouths, talking back, the word no, cold dinners, dinners that last 5 minutes, fighting, cleaning up messes that aren’t mine, flooding bathrooms with water outside of the tub, not going to the bathroom alone. You get my drift, and I’m positive you can add to my list.
With that said, the things I will miss, I’ll miss hard. The love of a little person is amazing.
Watching a little person learn to walk or read or explore something they love, when their little hand reaches up for yours, introducing them to things you love, hearing the words ‘I love you Mom’ as you walk out of their room at bedtime (especially after a rough day), watching them sleep so innocent and beautiful…this list goes on and on. I’m positive you can add to that list as well.
It’s innocent advice, but the next time you feel the need to say it…I urge you to rethink. Tell us we are doing the best we can and that’s good enough. Tell us that you know what it’s like and reassure us that it will be ok. Tell us to breathe. Ask us if we need help.
But good lawd, stop telling us we are gonna miss this. We are well aware of the things we are going to miss. Well aware that time is flying by.
What advice have you heard from fellow parents that just isn’t helpful?
Today is a Tuesday. It’s a typical Tuesday in your current world. You’ve worked from home, in between putting your oldest on the bus and being there for pick up.
Truthfully, my life today is probably no where near what you thought it would be.
To start, I have 2 kids. Yep, you read that right…not just 1, but 2! I know you never really gave much thought to children, you were too into your life and career.
Oh speaking of career…yeah turns out all that never really panned out as you planned either. I mean, yes I am still doing the same thing that you had your heart set on. Honestly, I pushed the limits and expanded my horizons when I started learning to design and code for the web. Bet, you never saw that coming! But the corner office at some fancy design agency…ha, yeah that didn’t happen. Although my career isn’t perfect or maybe not even what you had dreamed of, it certainly has sustained the family that you didn’t plan for.
You waited & waited to be 18, a legal adult. All those years, it felt like your life was going in slow motion. 18 years felt like the longest eternity. Well I’m here to tell you, basically I blinked and somehow 20 years went by. And it’s not stopping, it’s only picking up speed. Most days I just hold on tight for the ride.
You looked at almost 40 as old. I recall you lovingly saying to your parents that you’d be putting them in a home when they were 40. 40 was stable, comfortable…and old. Ha ha. You never ever feel like you’ve arrived. But the truth of the matter is; I’m glad I haven’t arrived. I’m thankful to be on the journey. Once I am not on the journey anymore, I won’t be here to tell you about the destination.
All those ‘best friends’ that you couldn’t live without…you actually could because I am. Many friends serve a season in your life. It’s only a precious few who come for a lifetime. Don’t mix seasonal people up with lifetime expectations, I have done it and it doesn’t end well.
Always always always follow your gut. Your gut reaction is strong, and almost always correct. When you went against your gut, I have always ended up regretting it.
And probably the most important lesson that I wish I could go back and tell you is:
There is so much more to you and so many better things to spend your time on. Stop letting the mirror dictate your self-worth. Truthfully, in life, nobody cares. Be you. Do you. Be happy. Stop stepping on that stupid scale. Feel healthy. And if you don’t feel those things, take action. Change it. Stand up for yourself.